looking back

I just spent some time, in between chatting with friends, looking back over old posts. I notice that I deal with the same things now that I was dealing with when I started writing: being uncomfortable with my writing style, feeling like I want to get away from everything, being nostalgic. Will I ever change? Will I ever go through with 'running away' or will I always think better of it? Maybe it'd be bad to run away.

My life runs in cycles, though. I go in phases of reading. I read a lot, and then not so much. I get on sf/fantasy kicks, and then I get on non-fiction kicks. Sometimes I get into the classics. I go through eating and activity level cycles, probably more than I should. I mean, probably to greater extremes than I should. I haven't noticed getting depressed, though. I seemed to get depressed for a while, even though I wasn't all that great at noticing it. I think I'm able to notice it now, but I'm just not getting into periods of depression like I used to. I guess that's a good thing.

Sometimes I want to break out of these cycles. I just read The Traveler by John Twelve Hawks. It was fast paced, and kind of pulpy, but made me think about some things. One of the things he talks about is how most people are drones, going from one thing to the next without thinking about it. How those people are enslaved to their world. He has this big organization behind everything, kind of like the Illuminati, who want to create security by controlling everyone and having them live in this constant, mild fear. Well, I feel kind of like a drone sometimes, always doing the same things in my life, over and over.

Well, I don't think it's bad to do the same thing all the time, just so long as you're aware of what it is you're doing, and whether it's a good thing. There are things I do out of habit which could stand to change. Which I probably should change.

Ah well, getting long-winded here, and there's not much point to this post.