vacation

For two or three years in a row, up until last Christmas, I was able to spend Christmas day on my own. I'm not saying this to gain sympathy from anyone. I'm saying it because I enjoyed it. I lived with two roommates who went away for Christmas and left me alone in the house, and I was able to be in the quiet, to get outside and wander in the snowy fields, or to listen to some music, all on my own, without distraction. I know last year was ok, but this year I feel like I need a vacation from the holiday. I've done so much that I need to get away from everyone and be by myself. Not just by myself among strangers, or in a different part of the house, but by myself where there's no distraction, no crowds, no noises of other people nearby. But, I doubt I'll get a chance to experience that for quite some time.

999

There's a trio of anthologies edited by Al Sarrantonio. The first is a horror anthology, titled 999. The second is science fiction, Redshift. And the third is fantasy, Flights. I first bought Redshift and read it straight through. There are many good stories in there, and I think even the first science fiction story by Joyce Carol Oates. If it's not her first, it's at least an early one. Very good. The other two I've only read bits of, but what I've read is excellent.

What I want to get to is this: in 999 there is an excellent horror story. It's not your usual story about monsters, or the dark, or the unknown (although it could be construed to be about the unknown), but it still fits in the category. I'm not quite sure how to describe it, but I highly recommend reading it. It's called The Owl And The Pussycat, and is written by Thomas M. Disch. Now, I've never read anything of his before this, but I've got to pick up some of his work now. I'm just not sure where to start.

Actually, I've just looked over at his website, and wikipedia, and the locus awards page, and I think I've got a good handle on where to start. There a a few award nominated single author collections by him, as well as some novels with the same sorts of nominations. Good start I think.

Back to the books.

prayer

I was thinking about prayer on the drive home tonight. Someone said to me that they would be praying for me, and that's what started my thinking. When I was thinking about how people pray for each, about how I pray for other people, I realized that, at least for me, there's this perception that 'better' the pray-er is, the better it'll be. Of course that's not true, but I realized it as being this little subconscious quirk I have. Thinking about it more, though, I realized that even when I'm feeling down in my problems, if I have a chance to pray for someone, I'll do it, and it often lifts my spirits. So there's this community of pray-ers. Many of us don't know each other, and we're all screwed up in some way or another, yet we lift each other up to God, and somehow He listens to it all. He hears and cares and answers our prayers. He might not answer all prayers. That is to say, I sure haven't seen Him answer all of my prayers. But there are some where I have no way to know if they've been answered or not. But I do know that He has most definitely answered some of my prayers. And that is awesome.

delay

I've been sitting here playing video games, mostly a tetris clone and solitaire, and I keep thinking of useful things to do. But, I just keep on playing the games. It happens to me quite a bit, actually, where I get into the game and too much time passes. Of course, I'm not playing the game right now; I'm writing this. This isn't one of the useful things I had in mind, but it's a step toward them.

comedy

Tonight I went with a friend of mine to a comedy club. I've looked a few times at listings for stand-up shows in the area, and I've seen this local improv troupe in the area, but I've never actually gone to a show. Well, tonight was a new experience.

When we got in to be seated, the host asked if we minded sitting next to some other people, which, of course, we didn't. So, we sat next to this couple who were probably on average 20 years older than us. We got along, though. It was hard to understand the woman at first, but then we realized she was from the Ukraine. Her name is Tatanya. Of course it was hard to understand her. I used the little bit of Russian I knew, which was a good ice-breaker, and she started talking and talking. We talked about the things you might expect between people from different countries, but it was interesting, nonetheless.

When the show started, the MC for the night did his little stand-up bit; nothing great or horrible. Then the headliner came on, which was funny since, after he left, the headliner came on again. It was a different guy. Somebody was confused. There were some good moments, but there were more sex jokes than I was expecting.

The club had this minimum drink limit, which I've only encountered once before. It wasn't all that bad, since I would've probably had two drinks, anyway. But the principle of the thing bothered me. I ended up having three drinks, and my friend, who is under 21, ended up having two. It seems to make sense that he could've had one drink when I had three, but it seemed like they wouldn't let that get by. Like I said. Not that bad. But the other place I went to. Oooohh... I got these free tickets for a show. "Free". I got there and presented my tickets, and they told me that it was going to be a two-drink minimum. Fine. Except I had to pay up front for the drinks, which were ten dollars each. And when I presented my token to redeem the drink, it was the lowest quality of alcohol, and small portions. I get how they make money now, but boy is it shady. I doubt I'll go there again.

But, all in all, the comedy club was a good place, and I think I might try to go back to see Emo Philips in the new year. He's great.

annoying christians

At work, there are these customers who come in and want every sort of deal they can get. They try to get things for half price when they're not supposed to be, they try to take the tags off and get me to give them a 'good' price. It bugs me. We're already the cheapest place in town for clothes, and what little money we make past paying bills goes to help charity. What's the deal? And, what bugs me most is that the people who try to get the most deals and break the most rules are christians. Or at least, church-goers. It's so annoying. Don't they realize that if they're claiming to be christians, they should be willing to give more to help out these needy people? Some of the customers are even pastors who wear flashy clothes and jewelry, and ride in nice cars. Gar! It bugs me to no end. Why can't these people get it!? And yet I still treat them fairly, giving them the same discounts that all the other customers get. Greet them with a smile when they enter the store. I don't want to, though.

changing words

I found this book at work. It's a compiled collection of Robert Heinlein's letters, edited by his wife, and published under the name he requested: Grumbles From Beyond The Grave. I was browsing through it and found some uses of a couple words which made me wonder at how quickly our language changes.

For example, most people know that the term 'gay', when used to mean 'homosexual', is a fairly recent development. And it seems fairly common for people to know that 'gay' meant, roughly, 'happy'. Well, when I was reading this Heinlein book, he was using 'gay' in contrast with 'happy', and I'd never seen that before. The best I can tell, he was using 'happy' to mean more of a long term state, like maybe, "I'm happy with my life", while 'gay' is something more immediate, like the feeling you would get after a fun dance. I'd never realized that distinction before.

He used another word in a way I'd not noticed before. Rather, with more subtlety to the meaning than I'd realized. As far as I've known, striving for something just means working hard to get it. But, and I've noticed this in other sources, too, Heinlein seems to be using it in a way that puts it in a negative light. Like with striving one is putting too much energy into reaching that goal. There's a definite negative connotation.

dizzy

Do you ever get so tired you get dizzy? I do this thing sometimes, actually frequently, where I'll get stuck reading or using the computer, and I'll be so tired that I want to go to sleep, but I force myself to stay awake, doing more. I get this kind of a dizzy feeling, not like my head's spinning, but like I'll tip if I stand up.

I think I might do it because I often feel like the day has gone by without anything of worth happening. Or, rather, the day has gone by and I don't feel like I've done anything of worth. I think I subconsciously feel that if what I'm doing is not worth much, it shouldn't take up as much time. But, of course, it takes up the same amount of time, which ends up being time lost.

Right now I'm dizzy.

looking back

I just spent some time, in between chatting with friends, looking back over old posts. I notice that I deal with the same things now that I was dealing with when I started writing: being uncomfortable with my writing style, feeling like I want to get away from everything, being nostalgic. Will I ever change? Will I ever go through with 'running away' or will I always think better of it? Maybe it'd be bad to run away.

My life runs in cycles, though. I go in phases of reading. I read a lot, and then not so much. I get on sf/fantasy kicks, and then I get on non-fiction kicks. Sometimes I get into the classics. I go through eating and activity level cycles, probably more than I should. I mean, probably to greater extremes than I should. I haven't noticed getting depressed, though. I seemed to get depressed for a while, even though I wasn't all that great at noticing it. I think I'm able to notice it now, but I'm just not getting into periods of depression like I used to. I guess that's a good thing.

Sometimes I want to break out of these cycles. I just read The Traveler by John Twelve Hawks. It was fast paced, and kind of pulpy, but made me think about some things. One of the things he talks about is how most people are drones, going from one thing to the next without thinking about it. How those people are enslaved to their world. He has this big organization behind everything, kind of like the Illuminati, who want to create security by controlling everyone and having them live in this constant, mild fear. Well, I feel kind of like a drone sometimes, always doing the same things in my life, over and over.

Well, I don't think it's bad to do the same thing all the time, just so long as you're aware of what it is you're doing, and whether it's a good thing. There are things I do out of habit which could stand to change. Which I probably should change.

Ah well, getting long-winded here, and there's not much point to this post.