run away, part 2

Last weekend I got the feeling again that I wanted to leave, so I told a couple of people about it. It seems that people just don't understand the feeling, because they say that I need a vacation. That's not it. What the desire is is not for a break, but for something different.

Having people misunderstand me made me think more about this feeling, and analyze it. Some of the conclusions I came to were a bit disturbing, I think. For example, whoever you are, if you know me at all, then you hold me back from changing. You see, if I try to change, then you will most likely reject that change because you have already made an image of me in your head. Anything that doesn't fit with that image, or work into that image, you will most likely reject. So when I'm trying to change something about myself that I don't think is right, it is most likely fundamental, and you will most likely reject it. But, if I run away to somewhere else where nobody knows me, then I can, if I have the will, become immediately what I want to be. And so that is where the appeal comes from to run away.